Diplomacy is supposed to be an art – measured words, firm handshakes, and a delicate dance of give-and-take. But what unfolded at the hashtag#WhiteHouse recently wasn’t diplomacy. It was a bizarre spectacle where two presidents of sovereign nations behaved less like world leaders and more like contestants on a cutthroat reality show. This was Squid Game: Geopolitics Edition – except the prize wasn’t money, it was basic survival.

hashtag#Trump, the self-proclaimed dealmaker, leaned in with his signature smirk. hashtag#Zelensky caught between desperation and dignity, tried to negotiate aid without looking too desperate. If this were a WWE match, it would be titled “The Donald vs. The Determined.” Unfortunately, the stakes were much higher than a championship belt. The real audience – the suffering Ukrainian people – watched, hoping for some much-needed support.  But what really mattered in that room? Not their suffering, no. It was the great, unspoken question: Would Ukraine get the lifeline it desperately needed, or would this turn into yet another season of “Who Wants to Be a Superpower’s Puppet?”

Meanwhile, in Moscow…
Thousands of miles away, hashtag#Putin kicked back like a man who’d won the lottery without even buying a ticket. Reclined on a golden chair, swirling a suspiciously well-aged cognac, he watched the spectacle unfold. Other world leaders, on the other hand, were less amused. hashtag#Macron sighed dramatically into his espresso. hashtag#Starmer checked if he still had a job. hashtag#Jinping played chess with himself because, well, who else was playing a long game here? The UN? Good one.

The Tragedy of Power Imbalance
Now, let’s talk about the real issue here: Ukraine desperately needs help but also can’t afford to sign a deal that reads, “In exchange for weapons, please give up your soul & firstborn child.” Meanwhile, the U.S. is in full loan shark mode, saying: “Sure, we’ll help, but we also want some… let’s say… ‘special favours’ in return.” It’s like being stranded on an island, begging for water, and the only ship that arrives says, “We’ll save you… but you’ll have to name your country ‘McUkraine’ & accept a lifetime supply of ‘Trump Steaks’.” Meanwhile, regular Ukrainians are still suffering, watching this soap opera unfold while wondering if their next meal will come with a side of bomb shrapnel.

A Wacky Way Out
Since logical solutions are clearly out of fashion, how about this:
We replace the UN with The Global Celebrity Roast Panel. Every geopolitical dispute must be resolved by world leaders engaging in a no-holds-barred roast battle. The winner gets aid, military support, and a Netflix special. Judges include Musk (who funds the show), Trevor (for comedic balance), and an AI-generated version of Churchill. The first episode? “Trump vs. Ukraine: Who Wants to be a Billionaire… in Debt?” And somewhere in a dimly lit Kremlin office, Putin leans back, smiles & mutters, “I love this show.”