The word Persona, coined by the famous psychologist Carl Jung, means “outward or social personality”. The term is derived from Latin where it originally referred to the theatrical masks worn by actors. Thus, a persona can be considered a mask, a role we play. And the word person comes from persona, suggesting perhaps that people are playing roles in society and wearing masks.

As we grow, we learn to mask our feelings and we also learn to wear certain masks for certain occasions and certain societal groups. We are conditioned to wear a societal mask by our families, another for our friends, yet another by multiple social groups and most importantly, the one we wear for quite a long time in our professional life. These masks allow us to put up a show and to pretend whatever we want to be. In fact, now a days we also have a “SOCIAL-MEDIA-MASK”, where we project our “FAKE-NICE-LIFE” to impress those who really don’t care about you, but it puts unnecessary burden on you to keep showing-off the person “YOU-WANT-THE-WORLD-TO-THINK-YOU-ARE”, and hiding your REAL LIFE. Therefore, in those “MADE-UP FACEBOOK-INSTAGRAM VERSIONS of YOURSELF”, your true personality is lost. 

The more masks we wear, the deeper we hide our true selves, but still many of us spend our entire lives wearing different masks. We wear some of these masks to cover up parts of ourselves we don’t like and sometimes we wear masks because we fear that we will be rejected if we expose our true selves. In fact, we change our masks so habitually that we don’t even notice doing it, maybe because we have been doing it our entire life. This frustrating cycle keeps our real selves masked, and our relationships shallow and unfulfilling.

Moreover, when we wear multiple masks it is exhausting. We may feel that wearing a mask protects us from vulnerability. But when you wear a mask, you stand in resistance to your true life and end up attracting realities that conflict with who you really are. And there will come a point in life, when you get sick of all the masks you are juggling as it is almost impossible to constantly pretend to be someone else. It’s very draining to regularly act like you feel ONE WAY when you really feel ANOTHER. It slowly starts reflecting in your voice, in your eyes, in your facial expressions and in your overall body language, ultimately changing the real you without you even noticing it. It is not possible to suppress your true feelings by wearing different masks all the time, because when you have an acute urge to remove the masks in some situations to express how you really feel, but you decide not to, then those moments become quite stressful and those suppressed emotions and feelings get converted into toxic thoughts that affect you both – physically and emotionally.

So, the real question is: is it possible for us to let our masks down while being fully aware of the risk factors involved? Is it possible for us to acknowledge our limitations and embrace our own vulnerability? Is it possible for us to find at least one person (your spouse or your sibling or one of your friends if not more) in your life with whom we can be completely honest and true to ourselves without wearing any masks?

It is observed that most of the problems in life (especially in relationships), are considered communication problems. This may be partially true, but many times, the trouble is with BEING REAL, as we continue wearing different masks and hide our true self. In fact, many people feel that little white lies and few “innocent secrets”, which may spare people some grief are okay. BUT you can’t be selective about being honest. If you tend to color the truth to make it look a little better, it could actually damage your relationship at a core level. Sometimes trying to avoid looking bad can create more trouble than it’s worth. And to have a truly fulfilling life, you need to find at least one person (if not more) in your life who knows all your true emotions and life stories. Don’t reach a stage where a clinical psychologist has to become that person, because no matter how much information you may provide, it is not possible even for the most qualified shrink to fully understand you the way your friends or family members can, as they have been part of your life journey and can relate to your stories and emotions without being judgmental about it (provided they are mature enough!). Remember, the foundation for healthy and happy partnerships (and friendships) is forged through authentic mutual sharing of what you are experiencing inside, along with how you communicate your experiences.

Just imagine yourself as a beautiful puzzle that is made of many pieces. But if all the pieces of the puzzle are not shared, then no one will be able to complete the puzzle to see and experience your true self.  As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” So, try to wear as few a masks as possible, if not none. Remove all your masks and be your true self to at least one person (or few truly loved ones) in your life with whom you can share all your stories, who can make you feel complete and who will accept the REAL YOU.